How to Support Your Child Through Big Changes
– Without the Overwhelm
In the past six years of parenting, my kids have experienced their fair share of transitions. We’ve moved homes, started multiple daycares, preschools, and schools, welcomed a new sibling, and navigated countless smaller changes—like new sleep arrangements, car seats, and highchairs.
But perhaps the biggest challenge for all of us was when my husband and I took a two-week vacation to another continent without the kids. It was a much-needed break for us, but we knew it would be a big adjustment for them.
We were incredibly fortunate to have both grandmothers, who had been hands-on caregivers, step in while we were away (thank you, grandparents!). Even with their familiarity, we wanted to ensure our kids felt as secure as possible in our absence. We leaned on every strategy we could to prepare them for this change, knowing that setting them up for success before we left was crucial.
Thankfully, our careful preparations paid off. Not only did our time away go smoothly, but the transition back home was seamless too.
Below are some ways you can help your child navigate these transitions with confidence, safety, and connection.
1. Prepare Them in Advance
Children thrive on predictability. Whenever possible, prepare your child for upcoming changes. This doesn’t mean you need to give them every detail, but simple explanations and reassurance can go a long way. Use language they can understand, and let them know what to expect.
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Example: “We’re going to move to a new house soon. You’ll get to see a new room, but we’re going to bring all your favorite toys, and you can help decide where they go.”
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Why it works: It helps them visualize the change and understand what will stay the same, offering comfort in the midst of uncertainty.
2. Keep Familiar Routines
When life feels unpredictable, routines are an anchor. Maintaining familiar routines helps your child feel more in control and provides a sense of stability even when things are shifting around them.
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Example: If you’re moving, keep bedtime routines as consistent as possible—same bath, same story, same cuddles.
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Why it works: It reassures your child that some parts of their world are still safe and unchanged, which is calming.
3. Acknowledge Their Feelings
Children need to feel heard, especially during times of change. Let them express how they feel, whether it’s excitement, sadness, fear, or confusion. Acknowledge their emotions without trying to fix or dismiss them.
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Example: “I see you’re feeling sad about starting a new school. It’s okay to feel sad, and I’m here to help you.”
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Why it works: When children feel validated, they’re more likely to process their emotions, making them feel less overwhelming.
4. Offer Choices Where Possible
During times of change, children often feel a loss of control. You can empower them by offering choices that give them some autonomy.
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Example: “Do you want to pack your stuffed animals first or your books?”
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Why it works: Offering choices allows them to regain a sense of control over their environment, even in small ways, which helps reduce anxiety.
5. Use Play as a Tool for Processing
Play is a powerful way for children to make sense of the world. Encourage play that reflects the changes they’re experiencing—whether it’s role-playing with dolls about starting preschool or drawing pictures of their new home.
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Example: Set up a pretend play scenario where they get to be the “teacher” if they’re starting school soon.
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Why it works: Play gives children a safe space to explore their fears, practice new roles, and gain a sense of mastery over the situation.
6. Model Calmness and Flexibility
Children take emotional cues from their parents. If you model calmness and flexibility in response to change, they’re more likely to adopt a similar attitude. Talk about your own feelings, and let them see how you manage them.
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Example: “I’m feeling a little nervous about moving too, but I know we’re going to make some great new memories together.”
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Why it works: It teaches children that it’s okay to have mixed emotions and shows them strategies for managing those feelings.
7. Focus on Connection
Above all, children need to feel connected to their caregivers, especially when life feels uncertain. Spend intentional time with them each day, even if it’s just a few minutes of one-on-one play or a comforting cuddle.
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Example: “Let’s have a special cuddle time before bed tonight. I love spending time with you.”
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Why it works: Connection reassures your child that they are loved and safe, no matter what changes are happening around them.
Supporting Without Overwhelm
Helping a child through big changes is all about creating a safe, predictable environment where they feel heard and supported. By preparing them, acknowledging their feelings, and offering gentle guidance, you can help your child face changes with resilience and confidence. Remember, you don’t have to do it perfectly—just being there with empathy and understanding is what matters most.
