Navigating Sweets
– Setting Boundaries Without Guilt
Every year, when Halloween comes around, the house is absolutely flooded with candy! I don’t think we’re the exception here. The sheer amount of sugar can make many families anxious, sparking the question: What should the rules around sweets be? It’s a tricky balance. Banning sweets entirely doesn’t seem to work well, but letting children eat sweets without any limits doesn’t feel right either.
Actually, we did try the “no limits” approach once—and it didn’t quite go as planned. We decided to allow a week as a test to see what would happen if our children chose what to eat and when, with no limits on how much or when sweets were consumed. Well… it went about as well as you’d imagine! At the end of that week, we all realized that it was too much to ask a 2-5-year-old to manage such a highly rewarding—and let’s be honest, somewhat addictive—item, especially one backed by a billion-dollar industry designed to make kids crave more of it. Yikes.
It became clear that children do need some kind of boundaries and limits. But then, how do we set those boundaries without labeling any food as “bad” or “unhealthy”? We know that labeling food can lead to all kinds of eating issues later in life. The goal is to avoid power struggles around sweets while still being clear on the boundaries. So, here’s what I recommend to the parents in our Nest Group Parenting program—maybe it can inspire you as you create your own rules around sweets.
1. Talk About Balance, Not Labels
Instead of calling certain foods “bad” or “unhealthy,” I like to describe sweets as part of the bigger picture of what our bodies need. I talk about sweets as a type of carbohydrate, and explain that our bodies need a variety of nutrients to function well.
- Example: I use the analogy of our body being like a kitchen or factory—it needs specific ingredients to keep everything working smoothly. When we don’t get enough of those important ingredients, our body slows down or doesn’t know what to do, which over time isn’t great for our development. By talking about the importance of a balance of nutrients—including sugar—we can avoid negative labeling and focus on what helps our body work best.
2. Use the Division of Responsibility
In our house, we follow the “division of responsibility” when it comes to sweets. That means I decide the amount of sweets we have, and my children get to choose which item they want and when they want to eat it. Yes, that has meant my child eating ice cream or chocolate first thing in the morning!
Of course, you need to observe how your child reacts to sugar intake, but in our case, sugar doesn’t affect their energy or mood significantly. So, while I stay firm on the quantity, I give them freedom with the choice and timing.
3. Create Opportunities for Learning About Food
Another approach we use is to create opportunities for learning about food. This could mean letting the kids help bake cookies or make a dessert, so they understand what goes into these treats and see the balance of ingredients. It helps them understand that sweets are just one part of what we eat, and it also gives them a hands-on experience with food.
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Example: When we bake cookies together, we talk about each ingredient and how it contributes to the final treat. It’s a fun way to show them that while sugar adds sweetness, other ingredients add nutrients or make it delicious in different ways.
4. Avoid Using Sweets as a Reward or Punishment
We’ve made a conscious effort not to use sweets as a reward or to restrict them as a punishment. When sweets become associated with being “good” or withheld for being “bad,” it can lead to unhealthy emotional ties to food. Instead, we treat sweets as part of our family meals or snack times, with no moral value attached.
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Example: Instead of saying, “If you finish your vegetables, you can have dessert,” we say, “We need tummy space to fuel up our body with a balance of nutrients first. Then yes, we will have dessert too.” This helps them understand that eating isn’t about earning treats, but rather about enjoying different types of food and fueling ones body with what it needs.
5. Model Balanced Eating Yourself
Children learn so much by watching us. If they see us having a balanced approach to sweets—enjoying them without guilt but also not overindulging—they’re likely to adopt the same mindset. I make it a point to have sweets occasionally, and when I do, I talk about how I’m enjoying it as part of a balanced day.
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Example: I might say, “I love ice cream! But when I have sooo much, I feel yucky and my body also wants something else. Do you ever feel like that too?”
6. Have a Plan for Special Occasions
Special occasions like birthdays and holidays are times when sweets are everywhere, and it can be overwhelming for both parents and children. Having a plan in place helps create predictability and reduces anxiety around these events.
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Example: Before Halloween, we discuss how much candy they will have each day after trick-or-treating, and we also plan other fun activities that aren’t focused on candy. This way, they still enjoy the treats without feeling overwhelmed or out of control.
Finding Balance With Sweets
The goal with sweets is to take away the power struggle and focus on balance. By talking about nutrients without labeling foods negatively, creating opportunities for learning, and allowing some control within the boundaries we set, we can help our children build a healthier relationship with food.
Remember, it’s okay if it doesn’t go perfectly—what matters most is creating an environment where sweets don’t become a battleground, but rather a part of learning balance and listening to our bodies.
