Why Listening is a Skill
and How You Can Help Them Build It
Getting kids to listen is one of the biggest challenges most parents face. From repeating ourselves to feeling ignored, it’s easy to wonder: why isn’t my child tuning in? Here’s the truth—listening is more than just hearing words. For young children, it’s a skill that needs to be learned and practiced over time.
Why Listening is Hard for Kids
We tend to think that listening is straightforward, but for young children, it’s a complex process. They’re not only processing words; they’re managing distractions, focusing their attention, and trying to understand the meaning behind what’s being said. That’s a lot for a developing mind!
Often, kids need extra time to process what we’re saying. If they’re busy with another activity, like playing or looking at a book, their brains might take a moment to shift focus. This delay can make it seem like they’re ignoring us—but in reality, they’re just figuring out how to tune in.
Listening is a Skill That Needs Practice
Just like learning to ride a bike or tie their shoes, listening is something kids get better at over time. But here’s the key: they need practice and support to build this skill. When we expect immediate responses or repeat ourselves multiple times, we’re unintentionally making it harder for them to learn how to listen.
Instead, we can focus on guiding our kids in ways that make listening feel more natural and less stressful.
How to Support Your Child’s Listening Skills
Helping your child develop listening skills goes beyond simple instructions—it’s about creating an environment where they feel seen, respected, and motivated to tune in. Here are some ways to nurture this skill in ways that feel natural and supportive.
1. Use Simple Language
For young kids, keeping instructions clear and simple is key. Long, complex directions can overwhelm them and lead to confusion. Instead, use short sentences and one clear direction at a time. For example, instead of saying, “Please put on your shoes, grab your bag, and don’t forget your coat,” try breaking it down: “Let’s put on your shoes first.” When they finish that, guide them to the next task.
Why it works: Simple language helps your child focus on one task at a time, reducing frustration and making it easier for them to understand what’s expected.
2. Give Them Processing Time
Once you’ve given an instruction, try pausing for a few seconds. Children often need a moment to process what you’ve said, especially if they’re busy or engaged in an activity. By giving them time to respond without immediately repeating yourself, you’re signaling that you trust them to follow through.
Why it works: Kids process information differently, and a little extra time shows them you’re not rushing them. This pause can lead to a more natural response, as they’re not reacting to pressure or urgency.
3. Make Eye Contact and Get on Their Level
When giving directions, try to make eye contact and, if possible, get down to their level. This makes it easier for them to focus on what you’re saying and creates a sense of connection. Simply kneeling beside them or gently tapping their shoulder before speaking can capture their attention.
Why it works: Physical closeness and eye contact make instructions feel personal and respectful. It reduces distractions and creates a warm, cooperative atmosphere where your child feels you’re genuinely interested in connecting with them.
4. Reinforce Positive Listening Moments by Acknowledging Their Helpfulness
When your child listens well, acknowledge their helpfulness in a way that reinforces their contribution rather than simply thanking them for listening. For example, you might say, “I noticed you put your shoes on quickly—thank you for helping us get ready on time!” or “I really appreciate how you put your toys away—it makes it easier for everyone.” This shifts the focus from listening as a task to viewing their actions as meaningful contributions to the family.
Why it works: Recognizing their helpfulness helps children feel valued and capable. They start to see listening and cooperation as a way to contribute, building a positive sense of responsibility rather than feeling obligated to follow directions.
5. Offer Choices to Encourage Participation
Kids love having some control, and offering choices within limits can make them more willing to listen. For example, if you need them to put their toys away, ask, “Would you like to start with the blocks or the books?” This simple choice empowers them, making them feel like a participant rather than just a follower.
Why it works: Giving choices helps children feel involved in the process, reducing resistance and making them more likely to cooperate. It also shows that you respect their preferences, fostering a sense of teamwork.
6. Practice Patience and Model Calm Communication
Kids learn by watching us, so when we model calm communication and patience, they’re more likely to follow suit. When you speak to them with a gentle tone, you’re showing them what effective communication looks like. Even in moments of frustration, taking a deep breath and pausing before speaking can make a big difference.
Why it works: Modeling calm behavior sets the tone for respectful interactions. Children feel safer and more receptive to listening when they see that communication doesn’t need to be rushed or tense.
Ready to learn more?
Each of these strategies may seem simple on its own, but together, they create an environment where listening becomes a natural, positive experience for both you and your child. If you’re ready to go even deeper and get a step-by-step approach, join me for my free live webinar, “Getting Kids to Listen,” on November 23.
Sign up here for the webinar and get your bonus guide, “14 Reasons Why Your Child Isn’t Listening.”
